I had to stop writing my story. Infact, I'm gonna have to re-write it. I decided I needed to write out my whole world before even trying to continue the story.

So who knows when I'll re-write my story. It might be a while. Oops.

Also, I created a new Live Journal, I might switch to it completely, or I might use it to make certain posts, who knows. (The username is Lover_Romeo) I should be adding everyone really soon, I just want to figure out what I'm gonna do with it first.

Anyways, I have to wait four days until I get to start registering for my GED prep classes! Then, I'll be able to take my GED and I'll be free of school~

Well, until I start college that is. xD

(9:02am) So, Here is the first chapter of my story! Let me warn you though, my writing skillz suck. I haven't written any thing in many, many, MANY years. xD( Chapter one )

I started writing a short story yesterday. I got so excited about it, that I wrote the whole first chapter. It's like three and half pages long. WOO~

but what sucks is...I'm gonna have to type it all out onto my big computer here, since I wrote the story on my laptop. Since I didn't steal back my flash drive from my mom.(She has work stuff on it and I didn't want to have it when she needed it. xD) Oh well, at least I'll have something to do today~

Anyways, I had a dream last night. I went to Savannah and I met all my old friends. every. single. one of them. I hugged and hung out with them in the bathrooms. The only part of my dream that pissed me off was that a woman who I don't really like was in my dream, being annoying, but otherwise, the dream was good. (What was strange was that the Jonas Brothers were in my dream and I got Kevin's number.) I should look up info on dreams and see WHAT IT ALL MEANS. xD

I just sat here staring at my userpic for like five minutes.

WTF IS THAT DANCE?

So. I finally got the nerves to tell my mom I didn't want to do a certain volunteer thing. Something that I've felt kind of forced into since I have a hard time saying 'no'. I finally told her I wanted to stop doing that, and focus on school related volunteering and school stuff.

Meaning, I won't be doing any AFTB teaching volunteer work either. I'll just be volunteering with PAO(and other places that will let me just do photographic work), and taking photographs for them. (If they ever have time for me. *insert emo tear* ) but still, it felt like I had been relieved of a lot of stress~

I just have to go to the education center on post, and sign up for the GED classes and THEN I WILL BE READY. My mom said my Step-dad would be happy to take me there, because once I get my GED, I'll be able to get my Driver's License. And when I get that, There will be three drivers, and not two. I WILL BE FREE TO DRIVE TO WHERE EVER I WANT...if I get to have the car that is...hahaha.

Still. Today is looking to be a good day. <33

I woke up this late morning after having a nightmare...and I was greeted with the sun. Which I have not seen in the last week it feels like. It made me feel so much better then I have in the last few days. My head still hurts from all the sleeping I've been doing...but I'm ok~

I'm trying to figure out how to talk to Oki again. I don't know. I just can't figure out what to say to her anymore. We're into so many different stuff nowadays, and we're at different places in our lives. We use to talk everyday. But I think that was when I still was hugely interested with anime. I want to cry, I can see how different I've become...and how different she's been. I don't want to drift apart from her, and I know she doesn't want to drift away from me. Yet, it's clear that we're not as close as we use to be. I wish I could fix it and just be able to have fun like before. But damn, I don't know how. ;o;

I SWEAR TO YOU ALL WHO READ THIS. I WILL FIND A WAY. OR I WILL DIE TRYING.

I've been feeling like crap lately, emotionally and physically. I hate that I've gotten weaken by these stupid reasons. I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a box. And not just any box. A box I've been stuck in and gotten myself out really easily, yet this time, I can't figure out how to get out.

My mom handed me this book today, that was about 200pages. It was a light read. But as I read it, I finally felt calm. I felt like I wasn't having issues to figure out or any of that shit. I wasn't having problems with boys or friends or family members. I'm kind of sad I finished the book already, but I needed that mental rest. Because I've sat and played video games, and still in the back of my mind, I'm thinking about all the stuff I want to stop thinking about. I thought of nothing but the book and it's characters and what was gonna happen next.

My mind's been racing, and I can't seem to get everything written down. I've probably said so much in the last three days, and each time I open my mouth, it's completely different. I'll probably end up talking about something completely different then what I originally wanted to talk about.

Oh god, my grandparents are coming down for Labor Day. Oh how I wish I could go back with them to their town. Yet I can't, because filming of my house had to be rescheduled. What's worse, is I have to go do a whole scene by myself about the teen building I helped pushed to get built. I never said I wanted to do it, but at the same time...I know I would have said yes if I was asked.

I want to just please myself and only myself, yet I go around and try to keep everything perfect, even if I feel differently about it. I can't stand for people to be hurt, or angered at me. Which is why I take so much shit from my mom. I can't say anything that's on my mind, because I know I'd be wrong and then she would yell at me. Maybe that's it. I'm scared to be yelled at. I couldn't handle it. I cry too easily. I think about it a lot. I wish I could just do go stuff and not fear what will happen. I'm tired of running and hiding. i want to be able to just say what's on my mind without fear of the yelling. I'll never be able to do it though. Not unless I go somewhere else, where there will be non stop yelling. The only place I can think of is Basic Training...

I know I've thought about it before. I've thought about it a lot. But the worst, the worst is that I'm scared I'll fall out and be unable to breath while running, or that the moment I step off the bus and a drill Sargent starts yelling in my face, I'll break down and cry. But once again, that's just my fears. I want to become someone different, who thinks of the past, and who they were. I want this new person to become sick with who I was. Most important, I want to get college money. I want to be able to CHOOSE the college I want to go to. Not just the cheapest one. I'll probably get in trouble with my friends for even thinking about doing this. Last time I talked about joining the army Oki nearly killed me. hahaha. <3

thank you and goodnight

Kay, yesterday I had a phone interview to see if I would be right for a college, and I past the interview! I can now apply for the school. I also don't have to take a SAT or a ACT. I just have to do the compass placement class. (Hopefully I'll get the easier math class. lol)

So I have to hurry the fuck up with my GED and I have to write this damned essay for the school. I'm a little worried seeing as on the application sheet that it says I can't have ANY help and that if they find out I got help, I'll get denied or kicked out. *sigh* so I'm gonna have to work really, really, really hard.

I'm a little confused as far as it comes to housing. There's a couple that's family friends that might be moving to Atlanta, so I could stay with them. That would help keep the money lowered, but I kinda want to live in the dorms. They're like lofts! Four people per room and there's a dishwasher, and a washer and dryer. And all my classes would be in one building, on the same floor! Not like SCAD. Where it's all over the fucking town. Haha.

anyways. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~ Excitement is in the air.

So. I find myself sitting on the computer due to an internet friend calling me and going. "Are you ok?" It made me realize that I hadn't really been online. I mean, I'd check my webcomics when they update, and see if I had any e-mail. But otherwise. Not a damn thing.

Honestly, I don't like signing into MSNM anymore because I feel like I have to sit there and talk to people when I would rather be studying. Which reminds me to tell you all.

I am FINALLY studying for my GED. I have a book and a math teacher. It's great. I also am talking to the Art Institute of Atlanta. I have a phone meeting with them this Wednesday with my mom. It's exciting. I'm ready to sign up and start classes, but my mom is keeping me grounded and say "helllllooooo." and reminding me that I need actual MONEY to pay.

I also have to balance making sure that I get some form of exercise. I've gained 15 pounds in the last month. ;o; OH THE PAIN~ *eats cookies* ....shuttup.lol

I also have to finish playing Final Fantasy IV. Yeah. I've been playing it on my step-dad's DS as he plays Bully on the PS2. It's perfect. Except when the boss kills me and I have to start ALL OVER. D< but I've learned this thing...called running around and LEVELING UP! yeah...


anyways. I've been thinking nothing but the positive things that have happened in the last month since my step-father has come home. WOOOOOOOOOOO~ I win.

Like I said before, I'm on the college website.
I just found out how much I would be spending to go for four years.
$102000. *insert crying tears here*
And that's just for "full time tuition including registration fee"

WHYYYYYYYYY MUST EVERYTHING BE SO EXPENSIVEEEE??? (Don't answer that)
*sigh* I guess I'll just work the corner to pay this shit off.



*cutcutcutcutcutcut*

either that, or I need to start smoking.

So, no matter what I get excited about, my mom aka my 'reality check' comes storming in and says. "NO CAN DO IDIOT" (Well...not really, but that's how it feels). I'll tell you how this has happened in the last two days about two completely different things.

First off, I started talking about my brand new dream college. She stops me in mid sentence and starts bitching to me about money. I wanted to go. "You know, I JUST now found the school. Let me go 'oooh' and 'aaahhh' for a day or two before bitching about that." But I didn't.

Second thing is, I decided instead of a huge birthday party that I would go on a trip. New Zealand here I come? NOPPEEEEE. Oh course...when I was planning it, I realized that I wouldn't be able to buy tickets so by the time my mom came into the picture I wasn't as excited as I was with the college. But still! The woman wouldn't even let me finish talking. Ugh.

But either way, I'm still getting my trip and I'm still getting my college. (in a way). I'll explain how as well!

Kay, So with the trip first! My mom suggested I just go to Atlanta for a month instead of some overseas place for two weeks. I'd like to go a little farther away (Somewhere, where my mom can't just drive up too if she 'missed me' or something.) But still, my mom made a good point. I could go up there and stay at a family friend's home and chill with them. Mom said she would give me a lot of spending money(Because I wouldn't need it for anything else, such as food or hotel)> I could go to the little fashion stores!! Or as my mom suggested, I could go to the Aquarium, or even the COKE FACTORY. Joy. (I don't really want to do those two...I mean, there's trips I could have gone on here to those places. If I really wanted to go, I'd have gone on those trips.) I shouldn't really complain. Because it is a good idea and stuff. I think I'll probably go do it too.

Kay, and now for the college. I'm still pushing for it. I just ordered a catalog from the school for the major I want to take. I'm on the site now, looking up things, and applying for college isn't as scary as I always thought it was. I was looking at the applications for it, and I can fill out a lot of it without fear of looking stupid. YUS~ And I was looking and on the site is said for undergraduates it costs $47000. That's how much most people on HGTV spend to make their kitchen beautiful! I think I could handle paying that off. If not, I WILL SUFFER WITH BEING IN DEBT FOR MY 20S! LOL


Either way, I'm looking on the bright side of life right now. And boy is it looking good. <3

I FOUND MY DREAM COLLEGE! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! http://www.schoolofvisualarts.edu/index.jsp

Only one problem. Do I want to just get my Bachelor's or my Master's. Undergraduate or graduate? I mean, either way I would be able to use my degree for my advantage.

bleeehhhh. I need to talk to someone who understands this shit. My head is getting confuzeded.

Ok, when I say I want to shag with someone, what do you think I mean?

Cuz I want to shag like it's the 1940's.

In fact, I might find a class where I can learn how to shag.
That'd be awesome.

Oh, for my eighteenth birthday, I am having a 1940's Las Vegas party. I'll have Show girls and gambling but no money. That'd be illegal.(I WILL HAVE BLACKJACK! I love itt. )
I'd love to higher a band that plays Swing music so that there can be dancing. I want to arrive and depart in a limo. But we'll see just how much my mom is willing to spend for me. =D

1.List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
2. Tag seven people to do the same.
3. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag whoever wants to do it

1. I love popcorn.
2. I watch HGTV like a fat kid eats cake
3. I can't get myself into Anime anymore. which makes me so sad.
4. I am losing weight so I can fit into these pants I want. They're neon hot pink!
5. I still don't know what I want to go to college for. D=
6. I'm tired of being a redhead, I want my blonde hair back. Yet everyone who sees me, keeps telling me to stay redheaded. ;o;
7. I think sleeping until 10:30am is late.

Oki,ladyyuna07,seawinkle, Peter, Amy, hirolin, and Vinny.

Oh hi there.
What is this strange place, eh? *snort* So hi. and hello. I have been so 'anti-internet' lately, I haven't posted on here. Which in a way is like a SUPER good thing. I've been able to play video games! xD

anyways. I need new pillows. the ones I have just aren't doing it for me anymore.
I've started waking up in the middle of the night tossing and turning, trying to pull my pillows back under my head and stuff.
And every morning my neck would hurt a little bit more. So now, it's not only my neck, but part of my back too.
I'm gonna fold one of my pillows in half tonight to see if it'll help. Otherwise, I'm gonna have to get my mom to go buy me some bigger ones. (I've been wanting one of those like 4 foot pillows anyways.)

Oh. I lost my ID card, so I'm stuck at home. I can't really go anywhere because they might ask for my id card. I can get into a lot of trouble if I don't have it. But luckily, my mom's id card is going to expire by the end of the month, so she can just get an appointment for the both of us at the same time. (SCORE!)

Yesterday was my mom's 40th birthday. I told her I was gonna pay for her to go to the Spa, but she said to wait until my step dad is home so we could go together.

Which reminds me. My Step-dad will be back in only a few weeks. I'm so torn about it, because then I don't have to babysit as fucking much, but I'm still worried. I don't know if I can live with him. I mean I can, and I will, but I won't trust him at all. I just need him to help me with my math so I can finally go take my GED. THEN I WILL BE ABLE TO HAVE MY LICENSE~!

P.S. I won the Youth Volunteer of the Year award. I was stokededed.

it feels so weird having these things on. I can barely type now! haha. Oh well, at least the nails look cute.....from far away where you can't see that the nails are fake! haha.

So, in real life, I'm nominated for a Youth Volunteer of the Year Award! I won't know if I won it or not until this Monday. I'm a little nervous about it only because I want to look super cute when I meet the Command General of Fort Stewart. (General Lynch)

I got my hair trimmed Tuesday. It looks better, but not much different. lol.

Sooo uhhh....sup?

Lately, I have been getting extremely self centered and walking around like I owned everything. I'd often talk about how amazing and awesome I am. Most of the time I'm being sarcastic but sometimes I really do believe myself.

My mom pointed it out to me and told me how obnoxious it really is. It frustrates me to no end to figure out how to balance out this 'problem'. I don't want people to instantly hate me when I start talking, but at the same time, I want them to know that I'm not just a silly volunteer loser.


But whatever, I'll just go back to never talking and hiding in the back of the room, making sure no one can see me. I'd rather know that people can think of me as an over confidant bitch then some lonely loser. I hate being that lonely loser. NEVER AGAIN!